Whole wheat pasta…whole wheat pasta. I do not understand how the masses do not find the harms that this utterly drab food causes uninteresting. Not one passerby at Speaker’s Corner stopped to listen to such a divine elocution. I spoke about the flavour being cardboard personified, the colour causing one to think of solidified excrement, and the wildly false claims that it is a gain for one’s health if consumed. About the latter, if improved biology is what the eater seeks, then they should prepare extra vegetables for their meal. It would provide the desired fibre without the sacrifice of taste and the stagnation of the soul caused by forcing oneself to eat tedious sustenance. The latter is of exceptional importance as life is filled with difficulty and suffering, so the soul must find joy wherever possible.
Harumph. No one seemed to value my teachings. Blissfully unaware and not with one care to stop to listen to my sermons, they did not dare. I even bought props to help convey my message to my dear listener. Props!
When it appeared, I wasn’t gaining any traction in growing my flock… well, well, haha, I suppose I cannot say I have a flock yet as that would be lying. Anyhow, the point is that I wasn’t progressing in acquiring followers for my noble cause, so I pulled out a value brand bag of brown farfalle pasta. Within moments, I was hurling bits of the dried food at Londoners, all whilst giggling and teasing with, “DON’T YOU FIND THIS BORING?!” I thought perhaps the mirth I expressed would’ve helped soften the people’s guard and allow a playful interaction before they would volunteer their time to embrace my divine word. Instead, it culminated with a thump to my right eye.
Sigh. As I explain such hardships to you, my dear listener, the swelling from the strike has sealed shut half of my vision. One can let themselves deflate and give up, but I remain brimming with God’s hot love deep inside me, ensuring I persevere! :::mumble::: That being said, perhaps I need to work on how I deliver such communications.
If I hadn’t been assaulted, I would’ve followed my attack against whole wheat pasta with illumination about religions and all such beliefs being correct in some way. Of course, some are “more” correct than others, but that doesn’t mean any should be outright dismissed. There are many like me with their ear to the ground, listening to the vibrations of the Lord Almighty, trying to translate such impossible complexity to others so that they can live righteously and move with his flow. Some will be able to interpret such signals better than others, and some will perhaps only pick up his, shall we say, angrier side. It is like trying to explain Quantum Mechanics with a bassoon; that is the mission of Prophets like me. The best we can do is hope that our message somehow expresses the beautiful majesty that we are a part of and help others act in ways that help them feel like they are swimming with the current of his swirling energy and not against it. The most simplistic way of understanding that the word a Prophet speaks of has interpreted God correctly is seeing that one’s life becomes more manageable. As we can never fully understand or know his plan, all we can best do is move along with it.
I must say, dear listener, that I am not here to shout at those who are lost, I simply happen to shout at those who are lost. The message I deliver about whole wheat pasta is only… only… MISERABLE BASTARDS! HOW DARE THEY STRIKE THE MOUTH OF GOD! MAY A PLAGUE OF GENITAL CRABS STRIKE THEM! FOR THEY DO NOT KNOW… KNOW… know… heavy breathing, sighs. I seem to have lost my train of thought, I feel it is a sign that I must eat. Hmmm, I feel I must cook myself some pasta and make a delightfully rich beef ragu.
Louis Park 