Evil Pasta

SUCCESS! Albeit a small one, it is still progress. The good Lord’s work is paying dividends, and some are finally seeing the light. I had a substantial crowd of three paying attention to the words of God that rained down upon them like rain on the Sahara Desert. It didn’t start in such glory at first, as none paid much attention to the beginning of my sermon where I berated civilisation for losing belief in the divine, which is the main reason for our decline into depravity. None gave a damn, but when I thought about my previous diary entry about starting small, I changed the topic of my verbal enlightenment into one about the evils of low-fat ice cream.

            Those that stopped to listen all appeared enthralled and delighted that God cared about such small matters and did not think of them as trivial. I spouted a few curses against the heathens that created such an abomination and added that artificial sweeteners should not corrupt such deliciousness. This chemical deception only harms our God-given bacterium within our gut. Also, God is a being of truth, the antithesis of sweeteners. You choose to live in a world of lies if you eat such blasphemous desserts.

            So, it appears I have possibly identified a key to reaching his flock. It is clear that I must start small in his message, as their minds cannot yet fathom his majesty. I have already decided on the following topic for my next sermon: The Evils of Wholegrain Pasta. A disturbing trend created by those who want to punish the populace into subjugation by torturing them with such blandness. How can anyone care about the beauty of life when they have to be subject to such tasteless inanity? This food is a poison that causes malevolent cynicism, and we must fight against it at all costs! Yes, yes, the crowds are sure to love this spiritual erudition.

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